I haven't posted anything in a little while, and I realize that we are already 1/46th of the way through the new year, but I wanted to put together this 2009 year-in-review for the Canucks.
I have been listening a lot to what is a pretty impressive mash-up of the Top 25 Billboard Chart songs of 2009, and after reading a list of the songs (mostly terrible pop tunes) I decided that I should do a review of the Canucks' year based on the song titles.Maybe one of these days I'll do some real hockey analysis on this site. Or maybe I'll just stick with the inanity. Who knows?
I had a lot of fun with this post, but I'm sure the collective creativity of the Nucks Misconduct community can do better. So feel free to add your own suggestions in the comments section. Also, there is somewhat of an over-reliance on Luongo, Rypien Mats Sundin and Sedin Twins references (and yes, even a Kyle Wellwood crack) - if you can find a good way to work in Aaron Rome, Curtis Sanford, Sergei Shirokov or anyone else who played a role on the Canucks in 2009 then all the power to you.
So, without further ado, the Canucks' 2009 Year in Review (in Song):
BOOM BOOM POW - The Black Eyed Peas
A Rick Rypien combination to the face of Zach Stortini.
POKER FACE - Lady Gaga
Mats Sundin, when asked about his future in the offseason. Get it? Wah, wah.
JUST DANCE - Lady Gaga Featuring Colby O'Donis -
Rypien, to any and all takers who want to be his dance partner.
I GOTTA FEELING - The Black Eyed Peas
Me. About it being the Canucks year. After the First Round against St. Louis. Followed by bitter disappointment. Followed by vindictive pleasure at seeing the Blackhawks lose in the Conference Finals.
LOVE STORY - Taylor Swift
Leafs fans and Mats Sundin, after the former bring tears to the eyes of the latter. The fans gave Sundin a standing ovation after he scores the shootout winner for the Canucks. Classy touch from the fans of an organization that most people love to hate:
RIGHT ROUND - Flo Rida
How Henrik Sedin spins, on this goal:
I'M YOURS - Jason Mraz
Luongo commits to the Canucks, and their fans, for 12 years.
YOU BELONG WITH ME - Taylor Swift
The Sedins also commit the Canucks, and their fans, for 5 years.
SINGLE LADIES (PUT A RING ON IT) - Beyonce
If I was a Caps or Flyers fan, and had a mad Sidney Crosby hate-on, this would be a perfect opportunity for a "Cindy Crosby" crack given that he got his Cup ring and all. As it is, I quite like Crosby and generally try to keep my insults to opposing players on this side of the sexism line. So I'm stumped on this one!
HEARTLESS - Kanye West
Ben Eager, for this cheap-shot on Rypien. I'm sure there are others like it for the past year:
GIVES YOU HELL - The All-American Rejects
Alain Vigneault is notorious for showing tough love to his players and ripping them in the media. Targets in 2009 included Kevin Bieksa, Kyle Wellwood, Steve Bernier, Mason Raymond, Cody Hodgson, and (probably) many more that I can't remember.
DEAD AND GONE - T.I. Featuring Justin Timberlake
The extra 20 pounds Kyle Wellwood was carrying before this past offseason.
YOU FOUND ME - The Fray
Jordan Schroeder slips to 22nd in the draft, and right into the Canucks' lap. What a steal.
USE SOMEBODY - Kings Of Leon
Brian Burke, after the Canucks sign the Sedin Twins to eleventh hour contracts on June 30, looks to assemble a first line. Actually, make that song title "Use Three Somebodies."
KNOCK YOU DOWN - Keri Hilson Featuring Kanye West & Ne-Yo
When Willie Mitchell met Jonathan Toews:
BLAME IT - Jamie Foxx Featuring T-Pain
Luongo receives plenty of blame from Canucks' fans for the team's Second Round loss to the Blackhawks, including celebrity bandwagon jumper Michael Buble. Real fans and anyone with an iota of hockey sense get over it, and then applaud when Gillis quashes outrageous rumours about trading King Lou by signing him to a 12-year extension.
HOT N COLD - Katy Perry
Mikael Samuelsson's offensive production.
I KNOW YOU WANT ME (CALLE OCHO) - Pitbull
Mats Sundin, to the Canucks (and Number One Fan Ryan Kesler), before deciding to decide to spurn their offer and call it quits during the offseason.
LIVE YOUR LIFE - T.I. Featuring Rihanna
The Canucks let Mattias Ohlund walk away in free agency, allowing him live his life with the Tampa Bay Lightning to the tune of 7 years and $24.5 million. Ohlund was a warhorse for the Nucks for 11 seasons.
KISS ME THRU THE PHONE - Soulja Boy Tell ‘em Featuring Sammie
Luongo to his agent after being informed about the Canucks 12-year contract offer that will earn him $64 million by 2022.
DOWN - Jay Sean Featuring Lil Wayne
Apparently where coaches go after playing the "coach killer" Canucks in 09-10. First John Stevens and then Andy Murray got the axe after losses to Vancouver. Rumours are, after Vancouver's recent 7-3 romp over the Blue Jackets, that Ken Hitchcock will be next.
BEST I EVER HAD - Drake
Burrows, reflecting on his 08-09 season. A rare player who is not only better because of playing with the Sedins, but who also makes the Twins better players.
MY LIFE WOULD SUCK WITHOUT YOU - Kelly Clarkson
The Canucks, realizing how much Luongo means to their team success after going 9-12-3 without him during a 24-game stretch last season in which the goalie was on the IR.
THE CLIMB - Miley Cyrus
Rick Rypien vs. Boris Valbik. Or Hall Gill. Or Zach Stortini. You get the idea.
HALO - Beyonce
Luongo's favourite headgear - he's the patron saint of the Canucks don't ya know.