Any modern day discussion of the Canucks has to start with #1 Luongo. Superlatives fly at the mention of his name, but the only one he is interested in is ‘Stanley Cup winner’, nothing more. Which brings me to my first rant (Rant #1 if you are keeping score at home). If you are going to use nicknames or turns-of-phase, don't choose lame ones! Bobby Lou is not a worthy nick for Roberto. In fact ‘Roberto’ alone is a far, far better tag. Bingo, Bango, Bongo- should ALWAYS precede the sound of a shriek, induced by a Casino-Royale-styled-open-seat torture being administered to the noxious idiot uttering the phrase. The team name is the ‘Canucks’, variations of the name, like ‘nucks’, ‘canuckleheads’ or ‘canooos’  are strictly reserved for the feeble-minded and should NOT be splattered about the place like a puke-fest emanating from the uninvited fat chick at your house party.  Apologies to the blog.

Rant #2, if you are going to have an aww-shucks folksy but dim colour analyst, like Tommy, you can’t also have an aww-shucks folksy but dim play-by-play commentator like Joey Kenward. The only thing more offensive on the Team 1040 is their advertising, and of course, Pratt.

Rant #3, 1040 advertising, if you are not being polluted with a bad Michael Caine impersonation hawking easy credit rip-offs, you are getting harassed by someone urging you to mutilate your junk, or hearing the same lame Burger King commercial (like there could be something politically correct about junk-food lunch alternatives) for the 1,040th time that day. Do they give a 1040 discount?  I can appreciate that Hughson and Shorthouse have deservedly migrated to bigger assignments, but in a market that has done a good job holding up the elite standard of Jim Robson, you can’t drop down to the basement without seriously pissing off your listeners. Joey is fine for post game interviews in a 30 second clip, but if you have to pinch hit for Shorthouse, Rick Ball is the only credible alternative they have on staff.

Pratt is plain and simply a moron. It is a testament to the quality of Don Taylor that the show remains viable. Usually, Taylor plays the willing Ron McLean to Pratt’s Don Cherry (though Cherry actually understands a thing or two about hockey), but at times, magical moments, Taylor calls Pratt on his stupidity, as he did recently when he insisted that Burke had to be given some of the credit for the current Canuck success. It was hilarious to listen to Pratt trying to defend his indefensible position. The mental fumbling was reminiscent of Mike Tyson. Pratt doesn’t deal well with people who point out his obvious inconsistencies, so let’s hope he has played his cards once too often and can’t get Taylor dismissed like the ‘Moj’ was. The one useful purpose Pratt serves is that he is one of those broadcasters with the perfect blend of a loud mouth and such trifling knowledge of their sport, that you would be hard pressed to find any listener that couldn't rightfully feel superior in their understanding of the game. A strategy employed by stations that can't find or afford real talent.

Pratt's success is due to an unflinching belief in himself, in the face of everything pointing to the opposite conclusion. At the outset of the player's strike he assured all, that the players would win that fight, trumpeting as proof, the invicibility of Bob Goodenow. Brian Burke, never one to suffer fools lightly, had rightfully banished Pratt from his press conferences. For the entertainment factor, I can see the station having a blow-hard like Pratt, but shouldn't they have some professional pride? Feel a bit embarrassed that dogs and monkeys frequently beat him at predictions?

On the plus side, the ‘Team’ has been improving their programming all the time. Added content from Ferraro, Crawford, McGuire and Green is a movement toward excellence. Rome is burning, but not quickly enough. Blake Price provides way better programming for our market, Rome should be used as ‘filler’, good choice. Price filled in for Pratt for one game-day broadcast with Taylor, late in the regular season, and it was impressive how good that show was. Almost as impressive as our

Vancouver girl Emmanuelle

via tbn0.google.com

Nice guns Emmanuelle

Rant#4 How does the Sun only give a B grade to Mitchell in the first round?

Now, for what I think of the team. I have been a hockey fan (Montreal originally, before the Canucks entered in 70). I remember: 82, 94, Kurtenbach, Smith, Lever, Odliefson, Lupul, Fraser.

I especially remember 12 and 16. This team reminds me of what I like best about 12 and 16. Hard-work, determination, and more than just a little talent. Sundin fits the mold and I would love to see a Stanley Cup ring with the Canucks name on his finger, and Roberto’s. But not as much as on Stan’s.

So, while I may remember 82 and 94, at those times I never really felt they could win it. During both of those runs, it seemed like a very pleasant dream that you don’t want to be waken from. This year is different. I really feel in my bones that this team could be the one. Like our girl Carrie believe in Neo.

via whatisthematrix.warnerbros.com

Nice guns Carrie!

The St. Louis series seemed a bit strange. We never truly got a hate-on for the team like a really good series will give you. So I will keep my voodoo instruction to the side until Iginla, Kane or Lidstrom prove themselves worthy. Instructions here:

Howto do voodoo

On a serious note, I welcome back Taylor Pyatt to Vancouver, God bless you, God bless the Bragnalo family and God bless Carly. May her love always fill you, and her spirit always move you. The love you share is eternal.

Now boys, get out there and bust some butts.