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Round one -- Predictions

Canucks win 4-1 -- Here's how they do it:

G1: The city of Vancouver is hyped for their first playoff series in two years. So hyped, in fact, all bars begin serving blue and green beer to everyone by law. St. Louis' players accidentally all decide to take the SkyTrain to GM Place in the first series and also miss their stop along the way. Exhausted by the cramped quarters of the SkyTrain, they finally make it to GM Place after being hassled about not having any tickets to give away by numerous people. Paul Kariya misses the first period but comes back in the second to no avail -- Nucks 5, Blues 1.

G2: Finally with team bus services intact, the Blues arrive at GM Place at their appointed hour only to be delayed by striking Aramark workers who are really looking to get their contract. Chris Pronger irritates everyone by bringing a Pizza into the game and proudly displaying it. That night at the pre-game skate about 150 people start chanting "Pizza Boy" at Pronger. Later that night at the game, another sell-out crowd picks it up. Pronger responds by challenging any Canuck to a fight and draws Rick Rypien. After Pronger gets an even bigger gap beaten into his teeth, the Blues lose again, 3-2 in OT.

G3: The series shifts to St. Louis, where people accidentally wear red to the Blues game because they just came out of the Cards game and didn't want to go home. Thin Lizzy plays a reunion show in the parking lot three hours before the puck is dropped where they play a re-mixed version of "The Boys are Back" but substitute the word boys with Blues. For. Three. Hours. The Sedin twins try to skate the St. Louis Arch but get tired halfway up and that affects their play in this game as the Blues win 3-1 -- all on power play goals.

G4: The Blues skate out to an early lead again in this game, but surrender the lead when Kesler scores a shorthanded goal from the opposite blue line to silence the crowd, who are still wearing red because they think it's a magical color and they just bought these nice new Cardinals shirts. Canucks go and upset the Blues on their home ice 4-2.

G5: The series shifts back to Vancouver where the atmosphere is so electric the team plane was able to land using only the energy made from the province cheering for their boys to come home. St. Louis returns to Vancouver only to find that a trail of blue and green beer has been lined, showing them the way to their hotel, where the help staff has decorated their rooms with a host of blue and green, replacing the pictures in every room with a picture of Luongo. When the St. Louis administration complains to hotel management, the managers reply with "And there's something wrong with that room decoration?" St. Louis spends all night refurbishing their own rooms and has a meltdown pre-game skate. Meanwhile Vancouver's focused and determined to end this series. Chris Simon gets four scored on him in the first period then cries during the second and third, asking when he can go home and tell his parents where it all went wrong. Canucks win going away, 6-1.

Feel free to contribute your playoff predictions!

--GoodKeith

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